As I left my friends to drive home I felt this sense of sadness fill my heart. An ache that I've ignored a lot, and am able to overlook frequently, overpowered me as I drove and I felt my eyes brim with tears. I didn't want to face the truth at first, but I finally had to turn off the radio and admit to myself, and God, what I was feeling. The ache causing this sadness was for something I do not yet have. Something that I long for but have yet to attain. A significant relationship, a partnership with someone who gets me, wants to know me, understands what I'm trying to do and supports me. But while I yearn for that deep down, the strongest realization at that moment was the feeling of being unnoticed.
It's not like I require a ton of attention, or demand to always be noticed. But at times it feels as if nobody notices me at all. Especially men. I'm not a flamboyant or overly sexy dresser, but I don't always wear sweats/jeans and t-shirts either. I'm not overly loud or quiet, at least I don't think so. Do I really just not stand out? Is there really no one who takes notice of me?
Those questions, those thoughts, are the real cause of the ache I felt tonight. True or not, the idea still hurts.