From My Utmost For His Highest Feb. 22
"Be still, and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10)
"Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for -- love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men -- will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated.
"If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, 'because you have kept My command to persevere...' (Revelation 3:10).
"Continue to persevere spiritually."
When I first wrote thoughts on this, it was the issue of our hopes and dreams that I wrote about. Honestly, when I first read it, that wasn't what stuck out to me, but at the time I began writing, it was as if there was something else I needed to say. Anway, originally, it was the concept of perseverance that originally caught my attention, since it is the main topic. I believe God's taught me a lot about perseverance, especially during the 3 years I raised support. Of course, He also taught me a lot about endurance. The two do seem to go hand in hand.
However, as Oswald describes perseverance, I smack my head. "I could've had a V-8!" Kidding. Anyway, all of a sudden, things make a little more sense. I've always had this sense of exactly what he says perseverance isn't. I always thought of it as hanging on by the skin of my teeth, barely getting through, but getting through. There's a much stronger element of faith involved in persevering. Faith that God will win, will come through, and in such amazing ways as we could ever hope. Faith that, despite moments, or even years, of silence, God will answer, and speak to us. As we are obedient to Him, to the truths we believe, to the path we're called to (even when it feels like it goes on without change), He is continuing to work through us and in us. Persevering is continuing to pursue Him and His will, even when it seems like there are no answers, because we hold on to faith in His abilities, power, strength, and love.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Eve (part 2)
*Again, all quotes are from Captivating unless otherwise specified.
"Call it the Human Mission--to be all and do all God sent us here to do. And notice--the mission to be fruitful and conquer and hold sway is given both to Adam and to Eve. 'And God said to them...' Eve is standing right there when God give the world over to us." (pg. 31)
We women have just as much of a role to play in the story as Adam did. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently. Men are not to dominate all, including us, we are to do things together. We are to share the adventure God gave us. I believe this is the reason why so many people long to find a significant other. We long to share our lives with someone else. To partake in an adventure together, to share in life's ups and downs, to laugh and cry with, to experience joys and pains with.
"When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo.....Hebrew scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says that this phrase is 'notoriously difficult to translate.'....Alter is getting close when he translates it 'sustainer beside him.' The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately." (pg. 31; references Deut. 33:26,29; Ps. 121:1-2; Ps. 20:1-2; Ps. 33:20; Ps. 115:9-11, note the words help or helper)
Note that only Eve & God are described with the word ezer. That's pretty significant. Women were created to fulfill a desperately needed role. Look at the phrase "sustainer beside him." Sustainer, one who sustains. (Here's a link for the various definitions of the word sustain. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Sustainer) There are many definitions, all of which work extremely well with the second half of the phrase, beside him. Meaning, next to him, not under him, not over, but beside. Quite literally, a helper, but in a greatly significant way. Eve was created to help provide for Adam, to encourage him, but also to withstand with him. Think about it, to withstand, to bear up under. Eve was created to bear up under hardships with Adam. Neither is meant to go it alone.
"Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he is not there beside you...you are dead. A better translation therefore of ezer would be 'lifesaver.' Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. You see, the life God calls us to is not a safe life....God calls us to a life involving frequent risks and many dangers. Why else would we need him to be our ezer? You don't need a lifesaver if your mission is to be a couch potato. You need an ezer when your life is in constant danger." (pg. 32)
Those living their lives in pursuit of God's will know just how dangerous life can be. We are called to live dangerously, not to sit idly letting life pass us by. Therefore, we need a "lifesaver counterpart." Ultimately that is God. Only He can save us from the dangers we face, for they are not always physical dangers, but spiritual ones.
"That longing in the heart of a woman to share life together as a great adventure--that comes straight from the heart of God, who also longs for this. He does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong. Neither does any woman. God is essential. He wants us to need him--desperately. Eve is essential. She has an irreplaceable role to play. And so you'll see that women are endowed with fierce devotion, an ability to suffer great hardships, a vision to make the world a better place." (pg. 33)
"An Adventure to Share"
We women have just as much of a role to play in the story as Adam did. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently. Men are not to dominate all, including us, we are to do things together. We are to share the adventure God gave us. I believe this is the reason why so many people long to find a significant other. We long to share our lives with someone else. To partake in an adventure together, to share in life's ups and downs, to laugh and cry with, to experience joys and pains with.
"When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo.....Hebrew scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says that this phrase is 'notoriously difficult to translate.'....Alter is getting close when he translates it 'sustainer beside him.' The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately." (pg. 31; references Deut. 33:26,29; Ps. 121:1-2; Ps. 20:1-2; Ps. 33:20; Ps. 115:9-11, note the words help or helper)
Note that only Eve & God are described with the word ezer. That's pretty significant. Women were created to fulfill a desperately needed role. Look at the phrase "sustainer beside him." Sustainer, one who sustains. (Here's a link for the various definitions of the word sustain. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Sustainer) There are many definitions, all of which work extremely well with the second half of the phrase, beside him. Meaning, next to him, not under him, not over, but beside. Quite literally, a helper, but in a greatly significant way. Eve was created to help provide for Adam, to encourage him, but also to withstand with him. Think about it, to withstand, to bear up under. Eve was created to bear up under hardships with Adam. Neither is meant to go it alone.
"Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he is not there beside you...you are dead. A better translation therefore of ezer would be 'lifesaver.' Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. You see, the life God calls us to is not a safe life....God calls us to a life involving frequent risks and many dangers. Why else would we need him to be our ezer? You don't need a lifesaver if your mission is to be a couch potato. You need an ezer when your life is in constant danger." (pg. 32)
Those living their lives in pursuit of God's will know just how dangerous life can be. We are called to live dangerously, not to sit idly letting life pass us by. Therefore, we need a "lifesaver counterpart." Ultimately that is God. Only He can save us from the dangers we face, for they are not always physical dangers, but spiritual ones.
"That longing in the heart of a woman to share life together as a great adventure--that comes straight from the heart of God, who also longs for this. He does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong. Neither does any woman. God is essential. He wants us to need him--desperately. Eve is essential. She has an irreplaceable role to play. And so you'll see that women are endowed with fierce devotion, an ability to suffer great hardships, a vision to make the world a better place." (pg. 33)
Thoughts On Oswald Chambers
The following is Feb. 22nd's entry in My Utmost For His Highest.
"Be still, and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10)
"Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for -- love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men -- will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated.
"If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, 'because you have kept My command to persevere...' (Revelation 3:10).
"Continue to persevere spiritually." (emphasis mine)
This would be the second time in a week that that verse from Psalm has come up. Two very different situations, and even somewhat different applications. Yet the message remains the same. It's two fold. Be still and know that I am God. "Be still," to me, says to be quiet. To stop going, stop talking, stop moving, even stop thinking so much, and simply listen. It's good to talk to God, ask for His help, share with Him that which I desire, but it's just as important to stop and actually listen for His answers. Crucial even.
"Know that I am God." Ok, He's God. What does it mean to know that? I don't think in the typical way that we know something intellectually, but more in the sense that we are to trust in who He is. Trust in His power, His knowledge, His presence. For He is omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing), and omnipresent (all/ever present). We are to trust that He is far more capable of handling the problems in our lives than we are, given we bring them before Him. We are to entrust our hurts, cares, worries, and joys to Him, and simply let them be.
Our hopes, too, are to be entrusted to Him. And as Oswald so perfectly puts it, "But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God." Waiting is always the hardest part (I do believe there's a song for that statement, and it's running through my head). Reality is, we want our hopes, our dreams, to be a reality, but we want them to be instantaneously met, no waiting. Yet, it is that waiting that purifies them, forms them more into God's will, instead of them simply being our own. God works on us during that time of waiting, often to bring us into alignment with Him, and to bring our hopes into alignment with His plan for us. The hope doesn't change, but is, instead, perfected, and thus creates more joy than if it had been granted as it was, without His purifying work.
And such as feels to be my life at the moment. I find myself in a place of disappointed hopes. However, I can see that they are merely being purified and perfected to God's will, His good, pleasing and perfect will.
"Be still, and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10)
"Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for -- love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men -- will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated.
"If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, 'because you have kept My command to persevere...' (Revelation 3:10).
"Continue to persevere spiritually." (emphasis mine)
This would be the second time in a week that that verse from Psalm has come up. Two very different situations, and even somewhat different applications. Yet the message remains the same. It's two fold. Be still and know that I am God. "Be still," to me, says to be quiet. To stop going, stop talking, stop moving, even stop thinking so much, and simply listen. It's good to talk to God, ask for His help, share with Him that which I desire, but it's just as important to stop and actually listen for His answers. Crucial even.
"Know that I am God." Ok, He's God. What does it mean to know that? I don't think in the typical way that we know something intellectually, but more in the sense that we are to trust in who He is. Trust in His power, His knowledge, His presence. For He is omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing), and omnipresent (all/ever present). We are to trust that He is far more capable of handling the problems in our lives than we are, given we bring them before Him. We are to entrust our hurts, cares, worries, and joys to Him, and simply let them be.
Our hopes, too, are to be entrusted to Him. And as Oswald so perfectly puts it, "But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God." Waiting is always the hardest part (I do believe there's a song for that statement, and it's running through my head). Reality is, we want our hopes, our dreams, to be a reality, but we want them to be instantaneously met, no waiting. Yet, it is that waiting that purifies them, forms them more into God's will, instead of them simply being our own. God works on us during that time of waiting, often to bring us into alignment with Him, and to bring our hopes into alignment with His plan for us. The hope doesn't change, but is, instead, perfected, and thus creates more joy than if it had been granted as it was, without His purifying work.
And such as feels to be my life at the moment. I find myself in a place of disappointed hopes. However, I can see that they are merely being purified and perfected to God's will, His good, pleasing and perfect will.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Ventings and Ramblings
I've been trying not to think about it, but I do miss him. I sent him a message the other day, and was browsing through some of his pictures, when the thought crossed my mind, "I miss his face." Yea, I miss seeing his face. I could stare at those pictures for hours. I knew it wouldn't be easy, even if it's only for a short time. But, I'm not really supposed to think about that. We're just friends, and dwelling too long leads me down a path of depression and potential destruction. Not to mention, fantasizing about all the possiblities of him returning, again, and us being more than friends. Yea, that'll happen. It didn't happen last time, and it most certainly is not happening this time. Especially since he's going to visit someone he can't wait to spend in person, one-on-one time with. That person so not being me. My heart still breaks when I think about it. And part of me just wants to slap him, because he's doing the same damn thing I am, only with someone else. Wishing and hoping for something more than what there is. Granted, he is trying to be the pursuer, but at the same time is being rebuffed for his efforts, which makes my heart break for him, as much as it still hurts me. I don't want to see him hurt, and I want him to be happy. Actually, there's a lot I want for him. I want, for him, all the things he wants for himself, and all the things God has planned for him. He has such potential, and he doesn't even know the half of it. He doesn't utilize a fraction of it. I'm so proud of all the things he's done, and continues to learn and do, of the aspirations he has for himself, and the desire to pursue whatever path God has for him. I honestly need to spend more time in prayer for him, for the things God has planned for him, than what I have been. Because, though I've been saying I pray for him, really, I'm praying for myself, and that which I want God to do in regards to the relationship he and I do have.
As I ramble on here, so not going in the direction I originally thought, I realize that I've been avoiding the one thing I truly need. Specific, intentional, pursuit of Jesus. I don't want to be alone tonight, because I'm afraid of what God will reveal to me. My selfish nature would much rather spend time with other people, NOT in God's Word or presence. Or spend time watching tv, and surfing the web. Reading things I don't need to read, or that can wait to be read. At the same time, sitting, hoping he'll log in and I can chat with him. We're back to that again. I thought I was done with that, but it seems I will never be fully done with him. He's here to stay, in whatever capacity that is to be. But, he needs to be bumped down a slot or two on the priority scale, that's for certain.
Ok, time to stop avoiding what I know needs to be done. Time to do that which I should want to be doing. Getting a lot of good time in with my Love and my Friend before heading off to bed.
As I ramble on here, so not going in the direction I originally thought, I realize that I've been avoiding the one thing I truly need. Specific, intentional, pursuit of Jesus. I don't want to be alone tonight, because I'm afraid of what God will reveal to me. My selfish nature would much rather spend time with other people, NOT in God's Word or presence. Or spend time watching tv, and surfing the web. Reading things I don't need to read, or that can wait to be read. At the same time, sitting, hoping he'll log in and I can chat with him. We're back to that again. I thought I was done with that, but it seems I will never be fully done with him. He's here to stay, in whatever capacity that is to be. But, he needs to be bumped down a slot or two on the priority scale, that's for certain.
Ok, time to stop avoiding what I know needs to be done. Time to do that which I should want to be doing. Getting a lot of good time in with my Love and my Friend before heading off to bed.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Hope
"If it were not for hope, the heart would break." ~ Thomas Fuller
Waiting for You ~Matthew West
The sun waits to set,
in case the moon should forget
that it's her turn to shine
And springtime waits to bloom
til old man winter's through being so unkind.
And I've watched my share of seasons come and go,
just praying for this chance to let you know:
I've been waiting for you for all this time--
And hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I waited for you.
They say good things come to those who wait,
you're my living proof the way you came to me.
You offered me your heart and soul
took this half and made me whole
and finally I know the reason why
I've been waiting for you for all this time--
I've been hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I've waited for you.
So let's share this life together
falling deeper everyday
till we're standing up in heaven and we hear the good Lord say:
I've been waiting for you for all this time--
I've been hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I've waited for you.
For all this timeI've been hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I've waited for you.
The following is the story that this song is based upon. You can find it, and the song, at http://www.klove.com/.
"My husband (Daniel) and I were neighbors growing up. We were the three musketeers, Michael (my brother), Daniel and me!
Daniel was in love with me from the start! His mother remembers him coming home from Elementary School (2nd grade) and telling her he was going to marry me! I wasn't attracted to him in that way. He was my best friend!! He was always there for me through everything! Even through the hurt of seeing me with other boyfriends or seeing my heartache after breakups, he never once made me feel bad about not choosing him or telling me I wouldn't be hurting if I were with him! He gave me space as he patiently waited for me!!
Finally after being patient for many years, we started dating in High School! He gave me a ring and proposed to me when he was 17! We had never been with anyone and promised to save ourselves for each other!! We went through Elementary, Junior High, High School and College together.
After we graduated from college, we married! We have been married for almost 6 years and we have a son who will be 2 in March! My husband is still there for me through everything and is a wonderful father! He works hard to make sure that me and our son are safe and secure!
God has been good to us!!! How wonderful it is to share your past, present and future with your best friend!!!
God bless,
Laura"
This story, along with the quote, enables me to hang on to a small thread of hope for my future. Either way, I've learned that not only is hope a good thing, but friendship isn't without it's benefits and charms. As a good friend reminded me today, I can't limit God.
Waiting for You ~Matthew West
The sun waits to set,
in case the moon should forget
that it's her turn to shine
And springtime waits to bloom
til old man winter's through being so unkind.
And I've watched my share of seasons come and go,
just praying for this chance to let you know:
I've been waiting for you for all this time--
And hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I waited for you.
They say good things come to those who wait,
you're my living proof the way you came to me.
You offered me your heart and soul
took this half and made me whole
and finally I know the reason why
I've been waiting for you for all this time--
I've been hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I've waited for you.
So let's share this life together
falling deeper everyday
till we're standing up in heaven and we hear the good Lord say:
I've been waiting for you for all this time--
I've been hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I've waited for you.
For all this timeI've been hoping you'd wait for me.
And the lesson I've learned is love always returns when it's true.
And I'm so glad I've waited for you.
The following is the story that this song is based upon. You can find it, and the song, at http://www.klove.com/.
"My husband (Daniel) and I were neighbors growing up. We were the three musketeers, Michael (my brother), Daniel and me!
Daniel was in love with me from the start! His mother remembers him coming home from Elementary School (2nd grade) and telling her he was going to marry me! I wasn't attracted to him in that way. He was my best friend!! He was always there for me through everything! Even through the hurt of seeing me with other boyfriends or seeing my heartache after breakups, he never once made me feel bad about not choosing him or telling me I wouldn't be hurting if I were with him! He gave me space as he patiently waited for me!!
Finally after being patient for many years, we started dating in High School! He gave me a ring and proposed to me when he was 17! We had never been with anyone and promised to save ourselves for each other!! We went through Elementary, Junior High, High School and College together.
After we graduated from college, we married! We have been married for almost 6 years and we have a son who will be 2 in March! My husband is still there for me through everything and is a wonderful father! He works hard to make sure that me and our son are safe and secure!
God has been good to us!!! How wonderful it is to share your past, present and future with your best friend!!!
God bless,
Laura"
This story, along with the quote, enables me to hang on to a small thread of hope for my future. Either way, I've learned that not only is hope a good thing, but friendship isn't without it's benefits and charms. As a good friend reminded me today, I can't limit God.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Conversations
friend: "By the way, thank you for your prayer last night, and almost even moreso, thank you for the 'yea...she's hot' comment. I mean, you can't NOT notice & look, & it's sooo appreciated to not be judged for that, instead of the automatic assessment that I must be thinking w/my penis & want to sleep w/her...when the reality is more of the prayer 'DAMN, Lord, it would be nice to have a mate with whom to mate right about now.' Anway, thank you!"
me: "You are welcome for the prayer, I was happy to. Actually felt the need to, really. And it's only logical to admit when another woman is hot. But you're welcome all the same. Besides, simply admitting she's hot is like admiring a beautiful piece of art. Not fully appreciated until vocally affirmed. I know men better than it might otherwise be perceived. I understand your prayers for a mate, especially one that amazingly gorgeous. ;P"
f: "Yeah well the amazingly gorgeous part doesn't really even enter into it; that appreciation was more, like you said, a work of art (in more ways than one - plenty of paint involved there I'm sure!), it's more the thought of laying on a car hood & smooching w/ a REAL woman that sticks around after the image on the screen has faded. :)"
m: "I understand that. I also know that whomever God brings you will be amazingly gorgeous in your eyes, as well as God's. And after it all fades one has to remind themselves that it's just a movie and shit like that just doesn't happen in real life. At least not nearly as romantic. Sorry, I've begun to feel a bit more passionate about the responses movies bring out. Especially when there's even a hint of romance. If I don't tell myself these things I find myself more and more disillusioned with life and love. I would rather live in reality. Hard when, as a woman, it's so easy to do otherwise."
f: "Heh, well...Obviously the romance part there was more contrived, but real romance can happen...Just most 'romantic comedy' behavior would get a guy a restraining order in real life! ;) But yea, sorry to be so chatty, it's just not the same w/o (co-worker) here BSing w/me all day...Just thought I'd let you know I appreciated you!"
m: "True. And the chattiness is fine with me, 'specially since I am at lunch. Happy to be a BS substitute. ;P Glad to be appreciated. I won't keep you from work with anymore of my rantings. :)"
f: "You're FAR better than BSing. :D And I don't think being a woman means it's easier for you to live in unreality, just means your ideal-turned-fantasy will tend to look differently than a guy's will, but we all do it. 'There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man' 1 Cor 10:13 :)"
m: "Well yes, we all fantasize and yes it looks different for men than women. What I was referring to was more that women tend to view life through the rose colored goggles of romantic movies & stories. And more often lose sight of reality, and simply lose themselves in the fantasy. Impacting their relationships with men in particular."
f: "*nod*...but thank God for those rose-colored goggles when it helps remind men that life can be beautiful. That was probably His plan, come to think of it. ;)"
m: "I'll amen that brotha. Could very easily be God's design."
f: "Sorry to be so argumentative, I get what you're saying, just like to try & find ways to be encouraging as well...Not disregarding your point tho."
m: "I don't know as to argumentative, but you HAVE been doing a smashing job of being encouraging. Thank you. I do get what you're saying as well."
As we're texting back and forth, these are the thoughts going through my head:
Is it possible to have these conversations with him and not have my heart go all over the place? Probably not, but that doesn't mean I have to let it get away from me. Friends have these conversations all the time w/no damage. That's probably just going to have to be part of being friends, however much it hurts. The pain is only temporary, but the friendship will be forever. I CAN do this!
The cause of these thoughts, of course, still being the fact that I want to be the answer to that prayer. Whether or not that will ever happen, I do not know. The important thing is that it's not happening right now. But, I do have a friend I can hang out with, talk with, at times even flirt with, and have fun with. And that I have to constantly keep in mind, because I don't know what I would do without his friendship.
me: "You are welcome for the prayer, I was happy to. Actually felt the need to, really. And it's only logical to admit when another woman is hot. But you're welcome all the same. Besides, simply admitting she's hot is like admiring a beautiful piece of art. Not fully appreciated until vocally affirmed. I know men better than it might otherwise be perceived. I understand your prayers for a mate, especially one that amazingly gorgeous. ;P"
f: "Yeah well the amazingly gorgeous part doesn't really even enter into it; that appreciation was more, like you said, a work of art (in more ways than one - plenty of paint involved there I'm sure!), it's more the thought of laying on a car hood & smooching w/ a REAL woman that sticks around after the image on the screen has faded. :)"
m: "I understand that. I also know that whomever God brings you will be amazingly gorgeous in your eyes, as well as God's. And after it all fades one has to remind themselves that it's just a movie and shit like that just doesn't happen in real life. At least not nearly as romantic. Sorry, I've begun to feel a bit more passionate about the responses movies bring out. Especially when there's even a hint of romance. If I don't tell myself these things I find myself more and more disillusioned with life and love. I would rather live in reality. Hard when, as a woman, it's so easy to do otherwise."
f: "Heh, well...Obviously the romance part there was more contrived, but real romance can happen...Just most 'romantic comedy' behavior would get a guy a restraining order in real life! ;) But yea, sorry to be so chatty, it's just not the same w/o (co-worker) here BSing w/me all day...Just thought I'd let you know I appreciated you!"
m: "True. And the chattiness is fine with me, 'specially since I am at lunch. Happy to be a BS substitute. ;P Glad to be appreciated. I won't keep you from work with anymore of my rantings. :)"
f: "You're FAR better than BSing. :D And I don't think being a woman means it's easier for you to live in unreality, just means your ideal-turned-fantasy will tend to look differently than a guy's will, but we all do it. 'There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man' 1 Cor 10:13 :)"
m: "Well yes, we all fantasize and yes it looks different for men than women. What I was referring to was more that women tend to view life through the rose colored goggles of romantic movies & stories. And more often lose sight of reality, and simply lose themselves in the fantasy. Impacting their relationships with men in particular."
f: "*nod*...but thank God for those rose-colored goggles when it helps remind men that life can be beautiful. That was probably His plan, come to think of it. ;)"
m: "I'll amen that brotha. Could very easily be God's design."
f: "Sorry to be so argumentative, I get what you're saying, just like to try & find ways to be encouraging as well...Not disregarding your point tho."
m: "I don't know as to argumentative, but you HAVE been doing a smashing job of being encouraging. Thank you. I do get what you're saying as well."
As we're texting back and forth, these are the thoughts going through my head:
Is it possible to have these conversations with him and not have my heart go all over the place? Probably not, but that doesn't mean I have to let it get away from me. Friends have these conversations all the time w/no damage. That's probably just going to have to be part of being friends, however much it hurts. The pain is only temporary, but the friendship will be forever. I CAN do this!
The cause of these thoughts, of course, still being the fact that I want to be the answer to that prayer. Whether or not that will ever happen, I do not know. The important thing is that it's not happening right now. But, I do have a friend I can hang out with, talk with, at times even flirt with, and have fun with. And that I have to constantly keep in mind, because I don't know what I would do without his friendship.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Eve (part 1)
~All quotes from Captivating, unless otherwise specified.
"From water and stone, to pomegranate and rose, to leopard and nightingale, creation ascends in beauty....The greatest of all masterpieces is emerging. What was once formless and empty is now overflowing with life and color and sound and movement in a thousand variations. Most importantly, notice that each creature is more intricate and noble and mysterious than the last. A cricket is amazing, but it cannot compare to a wild horse....In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch....Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch, his pièce de résistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill." (pp. 24-25)
I am irreplaceable, that's what this says to me. Not just because I'm me, and have giftings that God has given me. No, I'm irreplaceable because I am a woman. God didn't make me as an afterthought. I also wasn't created just so I could wait on some guy hand and foot, never to be appreciated, loved, thanked, or cared for. In fact, I was the final work of art created by a loving Master who knew exactly what He was doing. And created in His image to top it off.
"God wanted to reveal something about himself, so he gave us Eve. When you are with a woman, ask yourself, what is she telling me about God? It will open up wonders for you.
"First, you'll discover that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance. Second, that he longs to share adventures with us--adventures you cannot accomplish without him. And finally, that God has a beauty to unveil. A beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive." (pg. 26)
"Whatever else we know about women, we know they are relational creatures to their cores. While little boys are killing one another in mock battles on the playground, little girls are negotiating relationships....This is so second nature, so assumed among women, that it goes unnoticed by them....Most women define themselves in terms of their relationships, and the quality they deem those relationships to have....This is not a weakness in women--it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God." (pp. 27-28)
Boy howdy, is there truth in that! As a woman, I frequently think about the relationships I have with others, and whether or not they're going well. Am I succeeding as a friend, sister, daughter, etc. As a single woman, I especially find myself often thinking on romantic relationships (or lack of them) and wondering if somehow I'm failing in that area of my life. All relationships are important, but most important is our relationship with God. As relational creatures, you'd think that women would have an easier time investing in that relationship, cultivating it and growing closer to our Creator. Personally, I've found the opposite to be true. I get so distracted by my other relationships that I sometimes forget to spend any time investing in the one relationship that matters, and affects all the others.
"The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships. In fact, this may be the most important thing we ever learn about God--that he yearns for relationship with us. 'Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God' (John 17:3). The whole story of the Bible is a love story between God and his people. He yearns for us. He cares. He has a tender heart." (pg. 28)
"Not only does God long for us, but he longs to be loved by us. Oh, how we've missed this. How many of you see God as longing to be loved by you? We see him as strong and powerful, but not as needing us, vulnerable to us, yearning to be desired. But as I wrote in Wild at Heart,
"Can there be any doubt that God wants to be sought after? The first and greatest of all commands is to love him (Mark 12:29-30, Matt. 22:36-38). He wants us to love him. To seek him with all our hearts. A woman longs to be sought after, too, with the whole heart of her pursuer. God longs to be desired. Just as a woman longs to be desired. This is not some weakness or insecurity on the part of a woman, that deep yearning to be desired....God feels the same way. Remember the story of Martha and Mary? Mary chose God, and Jesus said that that is what he wanted. 'Mary has chosen what is better' (Luke 10:42)." (pp. 28-29)
To all women, let me say, I've always had a hard time with the longing to be desired, to be sought after. To know that it's not a fault or a weakness, but it's a reflection of God's own heart, is freeing. No, it's not something to dwell on, but it's legitimate to feel that longing. It's ok to talk about it, it's ok to feel it. It's not ok to let it become your whole life.
"This whole world was made for romance--the rivers and the glens, the meadows and beaches. Flowers, music, a kiss. But we have a way of forgetting all that, losing ourselves in work and worry. Eve--God's message to the world in feminine form--invites us to romance. Through her, God makes romance a priority of the universe....Tender and inviting, intimate and alluring, fiercely devoted. Oh yes, our God has a passionate, romantic heart. Just look at Eve." (pg. 30)
Have you let God romance you yet? If romance is a priority, then we need to make sure we're experiencing it. First, from a loving God who not only wants to be desired, but desires to romance us. Simply look at creation, and you'll see all the ways in which He does so. You don't have to go far, just step out of your front door. Watch the sunrise or the sunset. Look to the beauty of flowers growing wild, or even of the bouquets in the grocery store. Listen to the music of His creation. Know it was all made for you, to romance you.
"From water and stone, to pomegranate and rose, to leopard and nightingale, creation ascends in beauty....The greatest of all masterpieces is emerging. What was once formless and empty is now overflowing with life and color and sound and movement in a thousand variations. Most importantly, notice that each creature is more intricate and noble and mysterious than the last. A cricket is amazing, but it cannot compare to a wild horse....In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master's finishing touch....Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God's final touch, his pièce de résistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill." (pp. 24-25)
I am irreplaceable, that's what this says to me. Not just because I'm me, and have giftings that God has given me. No, I'm irreplaceable because I am a woman. God didn't make me as an afterthought. I also wasn't created just so I could wait on some guy hand and foot, never to be appreciated, loved, thanked, or cared for. In fact, I was the final work of art created by a loving Master who knew exactly what He was doing. And created in His image to top it off.
"God wanted to reveal something about himself, so he gave us Eve. When you are with a woman, ask yourself, what is she telling me about God? It will open up wonders for you.
"First, you'll discover that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance. Second, that he longs to share adventures with us--adventures you cannot accomplish without him. And finally, that God has a beauty to unveil. A beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive." (pg. 26)
"Man's love is of man's life a thing apart
'Tis a woman's whole existence."
~Byron (pg. 26)
'Tis a woman's whole existence."
~Byron (pg. 26)
"Whatever else we know about women, we know they are relational creatures to their cores. While little boys are killing one another in mock battles on the playground, little girls are negotiating relationships....This is so second nature, so assumed among women, that it goes unnoticed by them....Most women define themselves in terms of their relationships, and the quality they deem those relationships to have....This is not a weakness in women--it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God." (pp. 27-28)
Boy howdy, is there truth in that! As a woman, I frequently think about the relationships I have with others, and whether or not they're going well. Am I succeeding as a friend, sister, daughter, etc. As a single woman, I especially find myself often thinking on romantic relationships (or lack of them) and wondering if somehow I'm failing in that area of my life. All relationships are important, but most important is our relationship with God. As relational creatures, you'd think that women would have an easier time investing in that relationship, cultivating it and growing closer to our Creator. Personally, I've found the opposite to be true. I get so distracted by my other relationships that I sometimes forget to spend any time investing in the one relationship that matters, and affects all the others.
"The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships. In fact, this may be the most important thing we ever learn about God--that he yearns for relationship with us. 'Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God' (John 17:3). The whole story of the Bible is a love story between God and his people. He yearns for us. He cares. He has a tender heart." (pg. 28)
"Not only does God long for us, but he longs to be loved by us. Oh, how we've missed this. How many of you see God as longing to be loved by you? We see him as strong and powerful, but not as needing us, vulnerable to us, yearning to be desired. But as I wrote in Wild at Heart,
After years of hearing the heart-cry of women, I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, 'Why won't you choose me?' It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. 'You will find me,' says the Lord, 'when you seek me with all your heart' (Jer. 29:13). In other words, 'Look for me, pursue me--I want you to pursue me.' As Tozer says, 'God waits to be wanted.'
To all women, let me say, I've always had a hard time with the longing to be desired, to be sought after. To know that it's not a fault or a weakness, but it's a reflection of God's own heart, is freeing. No, it's not something to dwell on, but it's legitimate to feel that longing. It's ok to talk about it, it's ok to feel it. It's not ok to let it become your whole life.
"This whole world was made for romance--the rivers and the glens, the meadows and beaches. Flowers, music, a kiss. But we have a way of forgetting all that, losing ourselves in work and worry. Eve--God's message to the world in feminine form--invites us to romance. Through her, God makes romance a priority of the universe....Tender and inviting, intimate and alluring, fiercely devoted. Oh yes, our God has a passionate, romantic heart. Just look at Eve." (pg. 30)
Have you let God romance you yet? If romance is a priority, then we need to make sure we're experiencing it. First, from a loving God who not only wants to be desired, but desires to romance us. Simply look at creation, and you'll see all the ways in which He does so. You don't have to go far, just step out of your front door. Watch the sunrise or the sunset. Look to the beauty of flowers growing wild, or even of the bouquets in the grocery store. Listen to the music of His creation. Know it was all made for you, to romance you.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Time
It takes time to move past feelings for someone, especially when you've been harboring said feelings for well over a year. It does no good to shove 'em down deep, hoping they'll go away. Because, in the end, they just come exploding back out again, and always when you don't want them to. So, the best thing may be to actually feel them, and try to throw them away once you've acknowledged their existence. For example, while I realize he's not the man I really want, not the one who meets all that I've set out as significant qualities in a future husband, that doesn't mean I miss him any less, or love him any less. I recognize that I miss him. So, how do I handle that, and move forward? Enjoy the company I'm with, for one. Continue to have a good time, and don't dwell on him. Now, how does one handle a situation where, nearly all the things you do remind you of something about him? Whether it's something he likes, or doesn't like, something he's passionate about or abhors, it all reminds you of him. That I have yet to figure out. All of this, of course, is easier said than done. As with all aspects of life that are difficult or challenging. It's easy enough to tell someone else, "Buck up and move on." But when you have to tell yourself, well, for whatever reason, it's not so easy. Keep praying, and keep your eyes on Jesus. That's my only answer.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)