Tuesday, March 4, 2008


I was sitting in a leader's training meeting after the church service on Sunday, and as I sat there, I was overwhelmed with the desire to cry. I can't fully explain it. I think it might've been a conglomeration of things that occurred that day. I'd been feeling pretty anxious about my financial situation, which was grim to say the least, and with my parents' 30th anniversary coming up, I was desperately wanting to do something. However, my circumstances weren't even going to allow me to go down to their place to visit, much less contribute to a gift, or dinner or something. Then, I was told that some support had come in to the church for me. My heart did a happy dance, because now I'd be able to do something, even if it wasn't much.

After the service, I was working on trying to get the sermon recording cleaned up and ready to put on the website. At the same time, trying to answer questions for multiple people, including those who wanted copies of the sermon, and previous sermons as well. I finally got all that taken care of just as this leader's meeting was getting ready to start. I hadn't really eaten lunch, but instead, ate one of those chocolate chocolate chip muffins from Costco that I'd brought with me. Healthy, I know.

So, I'm sitting next to the pastor's wife, while her husband was chilling on the floor, keeping an eye on their son. It was when the pastor moved up to the chair to sit next to his wife, and put his arm around her, that I became so overwhelmed with the desire to start crying.

I was overcome with thankfulness for how God had provided for me, but along with that was this deep sense of longing and desire for that which I'm still waiting on Him to provide. A husband. The sermon that morning had been on brokenness. I definitely feel broken, in multiple areas of my life. Finances and relationships being two of them. I learned a lot about what it means to be broken, and how I ought to handle these times of my life.

Waiting in anticipation of what God will teach me next.

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