Conversations

friend: "By the way, thank you for your prayer last night, and almost even moreso, thank you for the 'yea...she's hot' comment. I mean, you can't NOT notice & look, & it's sooo appreciated to not be judged for that, instead of the automatic assessment that I must be thinking w/my penis & want to sleep w/her...when the reality is more of the prayer 'DAMN, Lord, it would be nice to have a mate with whom to mate right about now.' Anway, thank you!"

me: "You are welcome for the prayer, I was happy to. Actually felt the need to, really. And it's only logical to admit when another woman is hot. But you're welcome all the same. Besides, simply admitting she's hot is like admiring a beautiful piece of art. Not fully appreciated until vocally affirmed. I know men better than it might otherwise be perceived. I understand your prayers for a mate, especially one that amazingly gorgeous. ;P"

f: "Yeah well the amazingly gorgeous part doesn't really even enter into it; that appreciation was more, like you said, a work of art (in more ways than one - plenty of paint involved there I'm sure!), it's more the thought of laying on a car hood & smooching w/ a REAL woman that sticks around after the image on the screen has faded. :)"

m: "I understand that. I also know that whomever God brings you will be amazingly gorgeous in your eyes, as well as God's. And after it all fades one has to remind themselves that it's just a movie and shit like that just doesn't happen in real life. At least not nearly as romantic. Sorry, I've begun to feel a bit more passionate about the responses movies bring out. Especially when there's even a hint of romance. If I don't tell myself these things I find myself more and more disillusioned with life and love. I would rather live in reality. Hard when, as a woman, it's so easy to do otherwise."

f: "Heh, well...Obviously the romance part there was more contrived, but real romance can happen...Just most 'romantic comedy' behavior would get a guy a restraining order in real life! ;) But yea, sorry to be so chatty, it's just not the same w/o (co-worker) here BSing w/me all day...Just thought I'd let you know I appreciated you!"

m: "True. And the chattiness is fine with me, 'specially since I am at lunch. Happy to be a BS substitute. ;P Glad to be appreciated. I won't keep you from work with anymore of my rantings. :)"

f: "You're FAR better than BSing. :D And I don't think being a woman means it's easier for you to live in unreality, just means your ideal-turned-fantasy will tend to look differently than a guy's will, but we all do it. 'There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man' 1 Cor 10:13 :)"

m: "Well yes, we all fantasize and yes it looks different for men than women. What I was referring to was more that women tend to view life through the rose colored goggles of romantic movies & stories. And more often lose sight of reality, and simply lose themselves in the fantasy. Impacting their relationships with men in particular."

f: "*nod*...but thank God for those rose-colored goggles when it helps remind men that life can be beautiful. That was probably His plan, come to think of it. ;)"

m: "I'll amen that brotha. Could very easily be God's design."

f: "Sorry to be so argumentative, I get what you're saying, just like to try & find ways to be encouraging as well...Not disregarding your point tho."

m: "I don't know as to argumentative, but you HAVE been doing a smashing job of being encouraging. Thank you. I do get what you're saying as well."

As we're texting back and forth, these are the thoughts going through my head:

Is it possible to have these conversations with him and not have my heart go all over the place? Probably not, but that doesn't mean I have to let it get away from me. Friends have these conversations all the time w/no damage. That's probably just going to have to be part of being friends, however much it hurts. The pain is only temporary, but the friendship will be forever. I CAN do this!

The cause of these thoughts, of course, still being the fact that I want to be the answer to that prayer. Whether or not that will ever happen, I do not know. The important thing is that it's not happening right now. But, I do have a friend I can hang out with, talk with, at times even flirt with, and have fun with. And that I have to constantly keep in mind, because I don't know what I would do without his friendship.